my breastfeeding journey thus far

I feel like I want to pen this down.

I started breastfeeding a few hours after PJ's birth, but mainly just for her to suckle. It would have been better if breastfeeding could start immediately after birth, but I was way too sleepy and tired from the labour to do it. So like what I had read and heard before on parenting websites and seminars, milk only came in on the 3rd day of her birth. Before that, it was colostrum, and purely suckling for milk stimulation. And since there was nothing to fill PJ's stomach, she often went back to the nursery crying. I appreciate the nurses at Thomson Medical for supplementing with glucose and not formula milk.

I think breastfeeding is a very interesting process. Which woman, before becoming a mother, would ever think or imagine milk flowing out from her boobs? It's indeed a wonderful gift from God.

But having said that, my breastfeeding journey is not all smooth-sailing either. The challenges that I've read about - poor latching, engorgement, blocked ducts, sore nipples - came true during these 6 weeks.

The first few days after discharging from the hospital were challenging. Little PJ cried very often. Shortly after each feeding, she would be crying and wanting to be fed again. I was tired physically and emotionally for having to meet the needs of this little creature. What didn't help was my mum repeatedly asking 她是不是吃不饱？你是不是不会喂？
Honestly, I felt like answering her 不要一直问了。我也不知道。That few days, I would cry when little PJ cried. But I thank God that the hubby (my knight in shining armour) was on leave that week and could console and encourage me.

Next was little PJ's need to be fed every 1.5-2 hours. The "every 2-3 hours" that the websites stated did not apply to me apparently. Little PJ takes 30-45min for each feeding, and then would start making noise 30-45min after that. So I was (and still am, by the way) practically always in the room feeding her. I felt like a cow, a milking machine.

Then came the woes of engorgement and blocked ducts. Blessed is her who never suffers from engorgement and blocked ducts. Too bad, I am not that blessed one. Have had engorgement and blocked ducts countless times. Engorgement can be easily relieved by expressing the milk, but blocked ducts is a whole big headache to me. Whenever the milk ducts are blocked, it is a whole day of latching, pumping, latching, pumping, latching and pumping, together with desperately praying to God that the ducts get cleared. And not to mention the pain that I have to endure. Whenever I have blocked ducts, my mood is damn bad and I will be damn emo, I tell you.

And oh yes, how can I forget the middle-of-the-night pumping sessions? I suppose no breastfeeding mums can ever sleep through the night without a pumping session. Even if you can, the discomfort from engorgement will not allow you to. I only do 2 pumping sessions per night and I am dead tired. Kudos to the mummies who religiously pump every 3 hours. 2 pumping sessions and 2 feedings, so that's like waking up 4 times per night. No wonder everyone comments on my dark circles.

Now, little PJ seems to be rejecting my left breast. She either cries and pushes me away when I latch her on my left, or she will simply fall asleep. But when latching on to my right, she's all calm and quiet suckling away. I pray that the day of exclusive pumping and feeding of EBM will not come. It's a nightmare logistically, I feel.

So, you may ask, with all these challenges, have you thought of stopping breastfeeding and starting on formula milk?
Well, yes and no, I would say.
Yes, so that I no longer need to wake up in the middle of the night to pump, so that there is a slight chance of little PJ sleeping longer or even sleeping through the night, so that I do not need to suffer from blocked ducts again, and so that I do not need to be hiding in the room to nurse her the whole day, and I can have more free time to do my own stuff.
But no, because I know that breastmilk is way way way better for little PJ's immune system and bursting with wholesome goodness than formula milk. Everyday, I psycho myself to persevere in this journey.

Till now, little PJ is on total breastfeeding. I am not sure how long I can sustain this. I am not even sure if I can still produce sufficient breastmilk for her when I return to work. But I will insist for total breastfeeding for at least another month. I will start on formula milk before I return to work. But for now, let's just try to work things out bit by bit. :)

Lastly, just to share a photo with everyone. The one who makes this journey worth it. :)

Love her milk coma look!