what's in her name?

Girl-girl is called Pin Jie, which doesn't make much sense if you look only at the Hanyu Pinyin. Let's look at the Chinese characters 品洁。

品洁 means 品德圣洁。

品德 (pĭn dé)：character, moral values.
圣洁 (shèng jié)：pure, holy.

Some parents hope that their children will be very clever / filial / outstanding / healthy / ambitious etc, hence the words 聪 / 孝 / 杰 / 康 / 志 etc.
For Hubby and I, we want to see our children grow to be morally upright and knowing how to discern right from wrong. So after much deliberation, we decided on the name 品洁，in good faith and hope that little PJ will grow into a girl who loves God and one who has a pure character.

The 2 most common responses we get from this name are:
- Sounds like a boy's name
- No Christian name..?

Well, yes it may sound a little boyish, but the characters will suggest that it's a girl's name. And you're right, no Christian name because we feel that there is no need to. We want her to remember that she is a Chinese, as well as to appreciate the beauty of Chinese Language and the meaning of her name. :)

breaking the confinement rules

We, the Chinese, have a lot of beliefs and practices when it comes to weddings, pregnancy and postpartum etc. For example, the bride and groom are not supposed to meet 3 days before the wedding day, or misfortune will strike. But Hubby and I definitely did not observe this practice because we were scheduled to collect our marriage certificate the day before our wedding day.
Then, the pregnant lady is not supposed to use the scissors on the bed, or the child may end up with cleft lips or some sort of deformity. But for me, I believe that however the child turns out to be, it is by the grace and mercy of God.

For postpartum, we believe in a month-long confinement. There is a set of (many) rules to follow to ensure that the mother can recuperate and recover from the labour. So I, being a Chinese, had to observe confinement too after delivering little PJ. Yes, I do agree that I was weak after delivery, and I needed to recuperate. But there are just some rules that I cannot agree with. And so, yeah, I confess. I broke those rules.

Rule #1 - No going out
Staying at home for 30 days is not possible. Seriously. We needed to bring little PJ for her hospital reviews - a very legitimate reason to get out of the house. We also needed to replenish the diaper supplies, cotton balls and shop for pretty clothes for little PJ's baby shower. I can find a reason somehow.

Rule #2 - No bathing for at least a week
Well, in the past in China, clean water is not easily accessible to everyone. So to prevent infection caused by dirty water, they don't bathe. During winter, there is no need to bathe everyday as well. Hence this practice came about. HOWEVER, in the hot and humid Singapore today, with active sweat glands like mine, how can one not bathe? Even Mrs Wong Boh Boi says that we should bathe for hygiene's sake, as well as to prevent infection of the vagina. Moreover, I am breastfeeding exclusively. I don't want my little one to be suckling sweat and dirt instead of breastmilk. The confinement lady was shocked when she saw me walking out of the bathroom (I didn't tell her I was going to bathe. I just went ahead to bathe.) She said that I was not supposed to bathe for at least a week, and I shouldn't be bathing everyday. My reply to her was simply, “流这样多汗，不冲凉很恶心。又要喂奶。不可以，我一定要冲凉。” But I do try to keep the bathing short to prevent catching a cold.

Rule #3 - No washing of hair
Reason being, wind will enter the head and we will get headaches easily. On normal days, I cannot even stand not washing my hair for more than 24 hours, let alone during confinement, whereby I was perspiring like mad. So I washed my hair everyday. Needless to say, the confinement lady was again uncomfortable about this. But I didn't care, and I had my mum's support in this, so it wasn't too difficult to push through breaking this rule. But one thing I will do is, to dry my hair with the hair dryer as soon as I am out of the bathroom, so that I do not get a headache.

Rule #4 - No aircon or fans
To prevent wind from getting into the body. I don't have aircon at home, so that's not an issue. But I cannot CANNOT survive without the fan. In fact, I had the fan blowing at me every minute of the day because I was perspiring so sO SO MUCH (due to postpartum sweating).

Rule #5 - Cover Wrap yourself up with long sleeve shirts and long pants
The wind thing again. I did wear long pants for the first week just to keep mouths from commenting. But after a week, I started to develop itch and mild rashes on my legs, so I started to alternate between long pants and knee-length shorts to test water. No comments from anyone, so by the third week, I was wearing shorts everyday. By the end of the confinement, I was wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts.
During one of the hospital reviews for little PJ, I saw a lady who was also in her confinement month. She was wearing a jacket, long lounge pants, socks, covered shoes, a cap, and had a shawl wrapped round her head. And there I was, in my nursing tank, shorts and slippers.

Rule #6 - Drink red date tea, not water
Red date tea is supposed to get rid of water retention and wind (again). Not supposed to drink plain water because of wind (again). But I am a 水桶 (which means water bucket literally), I cannot survive without water. And to drink 2 litres of red date tea (we are supposed to drink at least 2 litres of fluids) everyday is absurd because it is so heaty. The confinement lady kept telling me to drink and finish the red date tea. My response was always to nod, then ignore. I filled my water bottle with water more often than my cup with the red date tea.

Rule #7 - No cold drinks
Cold drinks are not helpful for the recovery of the uterus. Ok this one I believe. Because when I first drank a cold drink after delivery, I experienced cramps. But there were a couple of times when I really wanted to taste some coffee very badly, so I got myself a decaf frappe. Secretly of course.

Rule #8 - Ginger, ginger and more ginger

It's supposed to get rid of wind. (This wind thing was driving me nuts, really) Every dish was cooked with ginger and sesame oil. Every meal, every day, for 28 days. So I put my chopstick skills into good use, by picking out every single visible ginger I could see. For every dish, every meal, every day, for 28 days.



You can say that I'm stubborn and I will regret when I'm old. Well, maybe. But as of then, I already had to battle with the challenges of being a new mum, so I would really love to have a few things less to battle with if I can. If I ever give birth to another child, and I have to go through confinement again, I will still be breaking these rules. Unless my body gives me warning signs that I should start observing these rules.

my breastfeeding journey thus far

I feel like I want to pen this down.

I started breastfeeding a few hours after PJ's birth, but mainly just for her to suckle. It would have been better if breastfeeding could start immediately after birth, but I was way too sleepy and tired from the labour to do it. So like what I had read and heard before on parenting websites and seminars, milk only came in on the 3rd day of her birth. Before that, it was colostrum, and purely suckling for milk stimulation. And since there was nothing to fill PJ's stomach, she often went back to the nursery crying. I appreciate the nurses at Thomson Medical for supplementing with glucose and not formula milk.

I think breastfeeding is a very interesting process. Which woman, before becoming a mother, would ever think or imagine milk flowing out from her boobs? It's indeed a wonderful gift from God.

But having said that, my breastfeeding journey is not all smooth-sailing either. The challenges that I've read about - poor latching, engorgement, blocked ducts, sore nipples - came true during these 6 weeks.

The first few days after discharging from the hospital were challenging. Little PJ cried very often. Shortly after each feeding, she would be crying and wanting to be fed again. I was tired physically and emotionally for having to meet the needs of this little creature. What didn't help was my mum repeatedly asking 她是不是吃不饱？你是不是不会喂？
Honestly, I felt like answering her 不要一直问了。我也不知道。That few days, I would cry when little PJ cried. But I thank God that the hubby (my knight in shining armour) was on leave that week and could console and encourage me.

Next was little PJ's need to be fed every 1.5-2 hours. The "every 2-3 hours" that the websites stated did not apply to me apparently. Little PJ takes 30-45min for each feeding, and then would start making noise 30-45min after that. So I was (and still am, by the way) practically always in the room feeding her. I felt like a cow, a milking machine.

Then came the woes of engorgement and blocked ducts. Blessed is her who never suffers from engorgement and blocked ducts. Too bad, I am not that blessed one. Have had engorgement and blocked ducts countless times. Engorgement can be easily relieved by expressing the milk, but blocked ducts is a whole big headache to me. Whenever the milk ducts are blocked, it is a whole day of latching, pumping, latching, pumping, latching and pumping, together with desperately praying to God that the ducts get cleared. And not to mention the pain that I have to endure. Whenever I have blocked ducts, my mood is damn bad and I will be damn emo, I tell you.

And oh yes, how can I forget the middle-of-the-night pumping sessions? I suppose no breastfeeding mums can ever sleep through the night without a pumping session. Even if you can, the discomfort from engorgement will not allow you to. I only do 2 pumping sessions per night and I am dead tired. Kudos to the mummies who religiously pump every 3 hours. 2 pumping sessions and 2 feedings, so that's like waking up 4 times per night. No wonder everyone comments on my dark circles.

Now, little PJ seems to be rejecting my left breast. She either cries and pushes me away when I latch her on my left, or she will simply fall asleep. But when latching on to my right, she's all calm and quiet suckling away. I pray that the day of exclusive pumping and feeding of EBM will not come. It's a nightmare logistically, I feel.

So, you may ask, with all these challenges, have you thought of stopping breastfeeding and starting on formula milk?
Well, yes and no, I would say.
Yes, so that I no longer need to wake up in the middle of the night to pump, so that there is a slight chance of little PJ sleeping longer or even sleeping through the night, so that I do not need to suffer from blocked ducts again, and so that I do not need to be hiding in the room to nurse her the whole day, and I can have more free time to do my own stuff.
But no, because I know that breastmilk is way way way better for little PJ's immune system and bursting with wholesome goodness than formula milk. Everyday, I psycho myself to persevere in this journey.

Till now, little PJ is on total breastfeeding. I am not sure how long I can sustain this. I am not even sure if I can still produce sufficient breastmilk for her when I return to work. But I will insist for total breastfeeding for at least another month. I will start on formula milk before I return to work. But for now, let's just try to work things out bit by bit. :)

Lastly, just to share a photo with everyone. The one who makes this journey worth it. :)

Love her milk coma look!

39 days as a newbie mum...

Finally. I finally have time to sit down in front of the computer to put down my thoughts properly.

Taking care of a newborn is no joke. I'm thankful that I heeded my brother's advice to engage a confinement lady (CL) for the first month. She cooked for me (lots of ginger and sesame oil, and red date tea), took care of PJ, washed PJ's clothes and did some house cleaning. That first month, I bled aplenty, perspired buckets and teared a lot.

Yes, u've read correctly. Teared a lot. Hormonal changes, physical changes and sense of cluelessness and apprehension as a new mum. But every time I let it all out, I would feel better after that.

And so the days went by with pretty much of a routine. Wake up, breakfast, feed PJ, rest a (short) while, feed PJ, lunch, feed PJ, bathe, feed PJ, rest, feed PJ, rest, feed PJ, dinner, feed PJ, rest, feed PJ, sleep. Of course, with many of PJ's cryings and the other things that the CL will help me with. Just feeding PJ is enough to zap me out. Both of us are learning about each other and about breastfeeding. She learning to latch on and feed, I learning to latch her on and feed. Though the routine repeats itself everyday, every day is still a different experience.

Then came the day that the CL left. It's now me, my mum and PJ at home alone. My mum helps out with the washing and cleaning, while I feed and took care of PJ primarily. The first few days were tough. PJ was probably not familiar with me (since the CL was the one who took care of PJ), hence cryings were common throughout the day. Waking up for her midnight feedings (I wanted the hubby to sleep because he has to work) and caring for her in the day was tiring physically. To make things worse, PJ is a very wakeful baby who seldom nap in the day, and always needed to be fed and someone to play with her. I was practically doing nothing more than feeding, soothing, feeding, soothing, feeding and soothing her throughout the day.
After a few days, I broke down in front of the hubby.

The hubby then became the knight in shining armour. He volunteered to take turns for PJ's midnight feedings, even though he has to work the next day. Every night, he would also put PJ to bed after the last feeding so that I can go to bed earlier. My hubby is so sweet, seriously.

Things are better this week. Thank God. By God's grace and mercy, PJ now takes a short nap in the afternoon, finally. Her night feedings reduced from 3 to 2, we don't know why but are totally glad about it. We pray that this somehow gets set as a routine. But what didn't change is her constant need to be fed and soothed. I'm learning to accept it too.

Motherhood is a journey of constant learning. I thank God that in this journey, I have the support of my wonderful (knight in shining armour) hubby, family and friends who have been through it and offered many help. Still need to learn and learn and learn, and pray for God's strength to sustain me every single day.

Do pray for me too, that I will keep a sane mind and incredible strength to fulfill my role as a mother! Here's a photo to end off!

my little PJ napping peacefully

Till the next entry~!